Robert Fillman

Robert Fillman is the author of the chapbook November Weather Spell (Main Street Rag, 2019). His poems have appeared in The Hollins Critic, Paterson Literary Review, Poet Lore, Salamander, Spoon River Poetry Review, Tar River Poetry, Valparaiso Poetry Review, and others. His criticism has appeared in ISLE: Interdisciplinary Studies in Literature and the Environment, The College Language Association Journal, and The Explicator. He currently teaches at Kutztown University, where he is a member of the English and Professional Writing departments. His debut full-length collection, House Bird, will be published by Terrapin Books in 2022. www.robertfillman.com

CONFIDENCE MAN

After tossing my duffel bag

on the bench, I cinch the drawstring

to my sweatpants. And that is when

I remember the locker room

at the college: the sting of bleach,

the rhythm of slamming metal

doors, guys stepping out of showers

in towels, that long wall of white

urinals, each man evenly

spaced, holding himself, head down, not

saying a word, the loud whooshing

spray from a flush, my big brother

stretching beside me in his loose

tank-top and knee-length tennis shorts.

I hear him snickering as he

elbows me in the ribs while I

bend at the hips, Hey, here he comes,

‘Naked Guy,’ and I look to see

his thick head of white hair, still wet,

that seemed to brag to us younger

guys, his whole body glistening

as he strides out from the shower

like some minor god. How I’d kill

to have such courage, every inch

exposed, my eyes trying not to

linger on his shape, the brown age-

spots, trying not to think about

how those wrinkles and slack skin lines

are more vivid, more distinctive

with every tense step, every slap

of foot against ceramic tile—